Relationships & Effective Counseling

By: Sanford Grunther, LCSW

Relationships are complex and have many layers. Counseling helps individuals peel back the layers that act as barriers to healthy communication. Intentional dialogue, which is termed “healthy communication,” in a safe non-judgmental environment, assists couples in learning how to speak to each other, and deal with issues of frustration, guilt, anger, and hurt.  Healthy communication is a skill that is fostered in the counseling situation. Communicating so your partner will truly listen takes practice and effort. Resolving conflicts through hurling verbal insults, yelling, leaving the room, displaying demeaning outbursts will only contribute to the “trouble” in the relationship. Learning how to talk to your partner so that they will really listen are the “healthy communication” skills the counseling scenario will promote.

Some rudimentary but essential communication skills to assist couples in resolving conflict in a marital situation are:

• Be forthright and honest, dealing with one issue at a time. Do not “snowball” and bring up multiple issues at once.

• Be direct. If necessary, practice and prepare what you want and what you feel you need to communicate. Write it down. Use a “cheat  sheet,” and this will help you stay focused and accomplish stating what you want to.

• Be prepared for a discussion. Without talking, effective communication and problem solving cannot occur.

• Listen to the responses of your partner. Clarify what they have said; making sure that you understood their point(s).

• Look at your partner, turning your back on them, or acting distractedly diminishes the importance of what they are saying, and reveals disinterest.

• Try to be positive and realistic. If this is an on-going conflict, it will not likely be solved immediately. Realize that solutions, not unlike conflicts, take time to develop.

• Respect each other for that which you share and for your uniqueness, and translate that respect into acknowledging each other’s comments without ridicule and hurt.

• Be aware that in a relationship there is much at stake; realize that the counseling environment is safe and secure as well as confidential.

• Recognize that we all need a mediator, mentor, counselor at times to help us see the forest through the trees, an individual who is trained, impartial, and can assist couples in developing “healthy communication” skills.

Sanford Grunther, LCSW has been in practice in Coral Springs for over 25 years. If you would like to learn more about Mr. Grunther click here or he can be reached at (954) 227-2700.